You have all the solutions within you. Yes, you. (Even if your coffee hasn’t kicked in yet and you just yelled at your inbox.)
This is the central difference between mentoring and coaching—and why both are valuable, but not interchangeable. A mentor says, “Here’s how I did it—let me give you advice.” A coach says, “What do you already know that could help you move forward?” One is directional; the other is discovery. And depending on where you are in life and work, you may need both.
The Family Example: Advice, Interrupted
Let’s start close to home. In my household, unsolicited advice is practically a family hobby. My partner will casually point out how I might put away my toiletries that cover a third of the bathroom counter. I offer him suggestions on how he drive. Of course, I’m also guilty—reminding my kids of the importance of driving safely, not slamming a door on the way out, and turning off lights.
Do you know what happens when advice gets tossed around like this? Eye rolls. Defensive quips. The occasional long sigh that could power a wind turbine. Not exactly motivating.
It’s not that the advice is wrong—it’s that it isn’t theirs. Advice, however well-intentioned, often misses the deeper truth: people don’t change because someone told them to. They change because they’ve decided to.
The Workplace Example: Leadership Lessons in Real Time
Take the leader who tells her direct report exactly how to fix a recurring problem. “Send the email this way, copy this person, don’t use Times New Roman.” Does it work? Maybe once. But the next time the problem shows up, the employee is stuck waiting for instructions again.
Contrast that with coaching. Instead of handing over the “right” answer, a leader might ask:
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“What’s the real roadblock here?”
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“What’s worked for you before in a similar situation?”
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“What’s one small experiment you’d be willing to try?”
Suddenly, ownership shifts. The employee creates the solution, remembers it, and builds confidence. That’s the essence of coaching: not planting your wisdom, but watering theirs.
Why Quiet Leadership Matters
In David Rock’s book Quiet Leadership, he suggests a revealing exercise: go through a day and document every time you received advice, and how you responded. The result? You’ll likely notice a pattern: advice rarely lands the way it was intended.
Sometimes it’s irritating (“Thanks, but I didn’t ask where to park”). Other times it’s demotivating (“You don’t think I’ve already tried that?”). More often than not, advice simply doesn’t stick because the listener hasn’t worked through their own fears, assumptions, or readiness to act.
This exercise shows, in real time, why advice often bounces off like raindrops on a raincoat—while coaching helps someone step into the storm with their own umbrella.
The Space for Both
To be clear: mentoring has its place. It’s invaluable when someone truly needs your roadmap or hard-earned experience. But coaching taps into something different. It honors the idea that the most lasting, motivating solutions come from within.
When we stop trying to “fix” people with our advice and instead invite them to reflect, we tap into courage, leadership, and resilience. And yes—it takes longer than rattling off “what I would do.” But the results? More durable. More inspiring. And far less likely to cause eye rolls at the dinner table.
A Prompt for You
Think of one area in your life—work, family, or personal—where you’ve been waiting for advice. Instead of looking outward, ask yourself:
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What do I already know about this situation?
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What am I afraid might happen if I act?
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What small step would I take if I trusted myself?
Write it down. Sit with it. Then notice what solutions emerge—not because someone handed them to you, but because they were already yours.
Call to Action
At Wildbrush Collective, we believe leadership doesn’t come from having the “perfect advice” but from unlocking your own resourcefulness and courage. If you’re ready to talk through a challenge, explore what’s holding you back, or simply test-drive the coaching experience, let’s connect.
You already have the solutions within you. Coaching just helps you find them.
