This week I stumbled across a box of old journals, essays, and letters. Inside was a photo from my first day of kindergarten — tight curls, plaid dress, and the weight of expectations from the fundamentalist church I was raised in. There were essays from my first year of college, where a professor had written in the margins: “I love how you are constantly reflecting and learning.” There were journals from my early marriage, full of truths I couldn’t speak out loud at the time. And there were cards from my parents, praising me for being a “good girl.”
Looking through those papers, I realized something important: reflection has always been my teacher.
When Reflection Was Celebrated
In college, reflection was welcomed. As a freshman, I was placed into an advanced writing class at Wittenberg; under Dr. Richards, I learned to think more deeply than I thought possible. Her feedback validated something I didn’t yet know how to claim: that curiosity and reflection were strengths, not weaknesses.
When Reflection Was Complicated
In marriage, reflection became dangerous. In private notebooks I admitted to poor communication and losing touch with myself. But it took 18 years to act on those words. That gap — between knowing and doing — is something I understand intimately. And it’s part of why I’m so passionate today about helping others close that gap more quickly than I did.
One professor once told me my writing was “rock solid,” but too cautious. Looking back, that was a metaphor for my life. Solid, yes. But cautious. I lived inside boundaries that weren’t my own, until I finally learned that flourishing required stepping outside them.
What Reflection Really Teaches
For me, education has never just been about knowledge. It’s about practicing the courage to use it. It’s why I’ve built a career in leadership development and coaching. Because I know the power of someone — a professor, a mentor, a coach — saying: “Push further. Trust your ability. Reflect, yes, but also act.”
Even now, reflection continues to guide me. Once, in therapy, I told my therapist I needed a life coach. She looked at me — recognizing the number of conversations we had already had and what my holdups were — and said, “You don’t need a life coach. You simply need to see yourself as you are and know that all of the skills and talents you need to succeed are present within you.”
That’s the heart of growth. Reflection and learning aren’t just habits — they’re tools for liberation… (or in this case, perhaps my therapist was). Reflection helps us see the distance between where we were and where we are. And step by step, they give us the courage to close in on the next challenge.
Author’s Note
I write and coach from the belief that reflection is one of the most powerful tools we have — but it’s only transformative when it moves us toward action. Through coaching, leadership development, and retreats, I help people discover what’s possible when they trust their own insight and step into growth with courage.
